Our daily relationships.
As we are human, together we are having a conversation. Also we are walking down a lane, wooded, with plenty of shadows and birds singing. Not only that we are sitting down together and talking about the whole problem of existence, which is very complex.
But we are not convincing each other about any subject, we are not trying to persuade each other, we are not trying to overcome the other through arguments or sticking dogmatically to one’s own opinions, prejudices, but rather, together we are going to look at the world as it is and the world that is within us.
But the main question to ask ourselves is; Why human beings are behaving as they are doing killing each other, constantly in trouble, following some authority or the other, some person, some ideal, and having no right relationship with their friends, with their wives,husbands and their children; also why human beings have become, after so many millennia, so brutal, so utterly lacking in care, consideration, attention to others, and denying the whole process of what is considered love.
Outwardly, man has lived with wars for thousands and thousands of years. We are now trying to stop nuclear war but we will never stop wars. There has been no demonstration throughout the world to stop wars, but there are demonstrations against particular wars, and these wars have been going on people being exploited, oppressed and the oppressor by our energy, quarreling, dividing, each one pursuing his own thing, each one aspiring, demanding his own personal security, and so on.
All such activities must invariably condition the mind. We are conditioned as a Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, with all the superstitions, beliefs. We are conditioned, and there is no question about it. There is no argument that we are not conditioned; we are religiously, politically, geographically.
A new instrument is necessary to solve our human problems, and we are going to talk as we go along about it, but it is not for the speaker to tell you what the new quality of that instrument is; each one has to find for himself. That is why both of us must think together, if we can. That demands that both of us feel, enquire, search out, question, doubt, all these things that man has put together, all the things that we have created as barriers between each other.
We as human beings living on this beautiful earth which is slowly being destroyed, living on this earth which is our earth not the Indian earth or the Nigerian earth or the American earth have to live intelligently, happily; but apparently, that is not possible because we are conditioned.
So our brains are deeply conditioned and we are asking if it is at all possible to be free of that conditioning. Unless we are totally, completely, free of that limitation, mere enquirer or asking what is the new instrument which is not thought, has no meaning.
First, one must begin very near to go very far. We want to go so far without taking the first step, and perhaps the first step may be the last step. Are we understanding each other, are we communicating with each other, or am I talking to myself? If I am talking to myself I can do this in my own room.
But if we are talking, having a conversation together, that conversation has significance when both of us meet at the same level, with the same intensity, at the same time. That is love. That is the real, deep friendship. We are together trying to enquirer and resolve human problems. That requires a great deal of inquiry because human problems are very, very complex. One must have the quality of patience, which is not of time.
We are all impatient to get on ‘tell me quickly something or other’ but if you have patience, that is, if you are not trying to achieve something, to arrive at some end, some goal, then enquirer step by step into it. As we said, we are programmed.
Our human brain is a mechanical process. Our thought is a materialistic process, and that thought has been conditioned to think as a Buddhist, as a Hindu, as a Christian, and so on. So our brain is conditioned. Is it possible to be free from that conditioning? There are those who say it is not possible, because they ask, how can a brain which has been conditioned for so many centuries upon centuries, how can that conditioning be wiped away completely so that the human brain is extraordinarily pristine, original, capable of infinite capacity?
Many people assert this, and are merely satisfied in modifying the conditioning. But we are saying that this conditioning can be examined, can be observed, and there can be total freedom from that conditioning. To discover for ourselves whether it is possible or not, we have to enquirer into our relationship.
Relationship is the mirror in which we see ourselves as we are. All life is a movement in relationship. There is no living thing on earth which is not related to something or other. Even the hermit, a man who goes off to a lonely spot, is related to the past, is related to those who are around him.
There is no escape from relationship. In that relationship which is the mirror in which we can see ourselves, we can discover what we are our reactions, our prejudices, our fears, depression, anxieties, loneliness, sorrow, pain, grief. We can also discover whether we love or there is no such thing as love. So, we will examine this question of relationship because that is the basis of love. That is the only thing we have now with each other.
Relationship is the most extraordinarily important thing in life; if we don’t understand that relationship, we cannot possibly create a new society We are going to enquirer very closely into what is relationship why human beings throughout their long existence of life have never had a relationship in which there is neither oppression, possessiveness, attachment, contradiction, and so on.
Why is there always this division man, woman, we and they? We are going to examine together. This examination can be intellectual or merely verbal, but such intellectual comprehension has no value at all it is just an idea, it is just a concept.
But if you can look at your relationship as a whole, then perhaps you can see the depth and the beauty and the quality of relationship. Right, sir? Can we go on? We are asking, what actually is the present relationship with each other, not theoretical, not romantic, not idealistic, which are all unreal, but the actual, daily relationship of man, woman, with each other? Are we related at all? There is the biological relationship; our relationship is sexual, pleasurable. Our relationship is possessiveness, attachment, various forms of intrusion upon each other.
Where there is jealousy, there is hatred. And is attachment love? That is one point to note in our relationship. Then, in our relationship each one has, through the years, put together an image about the other. Those images she and he have created about each other is the actual relationship. They may sleep together, but the fact is that he and she have an image about each other, and in that relationship of images, how can there be any actual, factual, relationship with another?
All of us from childhood have built images about ourselves and about others. We are asking a very, very serious question can one live without a single image in our relationship? Surely, you all have an image about the speaker, haven’t you? Obviously you have
Can one live profoundly without a single image? Image may be conclusion about one’s wife, image may be a picture, sexual picture, image may be some form of better relationship, and so on. Why do human beings have images at all? Please ask this question of yourself. When you have an image about another, that image gives you a sense of security.
Love is not thought. Love is not desire, love is not pleasure, love is not the movement of images, and as long as you have images about another, there is no love. And we ask, is it possible to live a life without a single image? Then you have a relationship with each other. As it is, it is like two parallel lines never meeting, except sexually.
A man goes off to the office, ambitious, greedy, envious, trying to achieve a position in the business world, in the religious world, in the professional world, and the modern lady also goes off to the office, and they meet in their house to breed children. And then the whole problem of responsibility, problem of education, of total indifference, comes. It does not matter then what your children are, what happens to them. You want them to be like you safely married, with a house, a job, etc. Right? This is our life, daily life, and it is really a sorrowful life.
There is no security in the things that thought has put together. Is it possible, then, to be free from our conditioning in our relationship? That is, to observe in the mirror of relationship attentively, closely, persistently, what our reactions are, whether they are mechanical, habitual, traditional. In that mirror you discover actually what you are.
So, relationship is extraordinarily important. We have to enquirer into what it is to observe. How do you observe yourself, what you are, in the mirror of relationship? What does it mean to observe? This is really another important thing one has to find out. What does it mean to look? When you look at a tree, which is the most beautiful thing on the earth, one of the most lovely things on the earth, how do you look at it? Do you ever look at it, do you ever look at the new moon the shape of the new moon, so delicate, so fresh, and so young; have you ever looked at it? Can you look at it without using the word moon?
Are you really interested in all this? I will go on like a river that goes on. You are sitting on the banks of the river looking at the river, but you don’t become the river ever because you never take part of the river, you never join the beauty of the movement that has no beginning and no end. So please consider what it is to observe. When you observe a tree, or a moon, something outside you, you always use the word the tree, the moon; can you look at that moon, the tree, without naming it, without using the word to identify?
Can you look without the word, without the content of the word, without identifying the word with the tree or the thing? Now, can you look at your wife, at your husband, at your children, without the word ‘my wife’, without an image? Have you ever tried it? When you observe without a word, without a name, without the form you have created about her or him, in that observation there is no center from which you observe. Then find out what happens.
The word is thought. Thought is born out of memory. So you have the memory, the word, the thought, the image interfering between you and the other. Right? But here is no thought, thought in the sense, the word, the content of the word, the significance of the word to look, to observe. Then, in that observation, there is no center as ‘me’ looking at ‘you’. Then only there is a right relationship with another.