As we know that, we live in a society where everything is disposable, from baby diapers to food and drink containers, to printer cartridges, and to paper or plastic bags. With the type of mentality created by a throw-away world, it is no wonder that we have so many marriage failures. This statistic has been cited earlier in this piece, but fifty percent of first marriages fail. In 1950 that wasn’t the case, so what has happened to our society?
Sixty years ago, it seemed like the only people who were divorced were Hollywood movie stars.Everyone else seemed to stay married and it was rare to meet a divorced person.
The divorce laws were such that it took “just cause” and a long time before a divorce was granted. The exception in the U.S. was in Nevada, where there was only a six-week waiting period from the time of filing until the final divorce decree was granted. As a result, it was common for people who could afford it and really wanted a “quickie” divorce to travel to Reno, Nevada, establish residence, file for divorce and six weeks later they would be free.They usually didn’t stay in Reno the whole time, but returned in time to file the final papers.
The laws in other states and countries became more liberal and we are now in the age of “no-fault” divorces, where irreconcilable differences are cited as the justification. Then you find that your relationship is in trouble, but you want to stay together. What do you do? You have several courses of action, depending on your partner’s willingness or unwillingness to try and salvage the relationship. Page 22 Skip the “guru” advice and learn what it takes to really make him miss you.
If your partner is cooperative, your relationship started with an attraction, a lot of passion and then a commitment. You might consider taking a few steps backwards, back towards the beginning.
Visit some of the places where you first discovered your romance and see if you can recapture the mood.
Have a sit-down with your partner and discuss all of your problems and differences.
Make a list of everything that bothers you both. This goes on the debit side of the ledger. Then record all of the good things in your relationship, what you like about each other and what is good about your marriage or partnership. This latter list is on the credit side of the ledger. On the debit side, discuss each item and plan what you can do to eliminate or diminish these problems. You’ll be surprised how many creative ways you will uncover.
The set about getting rid of the negatives and accentuating the positives and get on with your life together.
If your partner is uncooperative Let’s say, though, that your partner seems to want the break-up and you don’t. You think that there is a lot of history you have together, much of it good or very good.
Get your partner to agree to meet and discuss your potential divorce. Make up your own list of positives and negatives in the relationship. Make one up that you think your partner would write if they wanted to.
When you meet with your partner, you can begin by saying, “Indulge me for a couple of minutes.So I know what I have done wrong; let’s go over our marriage/partnership. It will only take a couple of minutes.” Go over the lists, yours first, covering all the good things and then all of the bad things. Then go over the list you made for your partner and see if they agree with what you put down.